Wednesday, October 24 2018
From a boxing/training perspective, many talk about the last 6 weeks. This is the time to tighten the screws, work on strategy, and keep pushing cardio. This isn’t the time for strength training, this isn’t the time to punch the shit out of the bag… basically, this isn’t the time to get hurt. This is the time to get your body and mind right. Develop that muscle memory, that trust between the body and the brain, so when you step in the ring everything becomes automatic.
I’ve been waiting to blog as there hasn’t been anything really new/exciting to report. I’ve been training and sparring a lot. Fundraising is going great (over 26K to date!). But it’s been a bit of a grind and I have to admit, there have definitely been days I’ve wished fight night was closer. My body is sore. I’m exhausted. This has not been an easy endeavor by any means (not that it is supposed to be)…
This week I got a note from an old friend that sparked a few thoughts- so I thought I’d share.
She mentioned that she’d been following along with my updates on social media, but had been hesitant to donate/get involved as she didn’t know if I was really doing this for altruistic reasons or if there was potentially some ‘need for attention’ or narcissism at play. Now- before anyone rushes to my defense or says anything about this very wonderful person that they don’t know- allow me to point out that as her and I have really only stayed in touch a very minimal amount (and primarily via social media), she hasn’t had the opportunity to get to know the current iteration of Brian Wallace. We met when I was a much different person as it related to how (and why) I presented myself to the world. That Brian absolutely put things on Facebook/Instagram hoping to be noticed, to be ‘cool’, and actually relied on those ‘likes’, that social validation in order to feel good about himself.
As this friend has also lost close friends to cancer, this too is a very personal subject for her. So once again I didn’t take any offense to her note, which ended by saying ‘However, after I read the little excerpt about your motivations, it touched my heart. Make her [my Mom] proud.’
I will. I am. And hope I’m making everyone proud…
On top of that, she made a very nice donation to Haymakers… So thank you, if you’re reading, you know who you are.
I’ve done some reflecting since I got that message. Why the hell AM I doing this? Why am I subjecting my body to 4 months of intense training (and pain!) for 6 minutes of action. Why am putting certain aspects of my life, my friendships, love life, and traveling on hold? Why did I take this on essentially at the same time I joined a startup that also demands a ton of my time and attention? Why have I given up even the little things that make me happy- a glass of wine or scotch in the evening, a cold beer or two during a football game, other sports that bring me joy (volleyball and football), or hell even sleeping in on weekends? WHY am I doing all this? Well, I can honestly say it’s not for ‘Likes’. The reality is I didn’t have a choice. This door opened for me, and I had no option but to walk through it. I just knew it was the right thing for me to do, the thing I was meant to do… there was zero thought that went into it, I just said yes.
So on those days- and there have been more than a few- when I second guess myself. Think to myself that maybe I shouldn’t have done this. When I wish there weren’t 6 more weeks and the fight was tonight so I could ‘get my life back’. I remind myself of that moment I ‘said yes’, when I decided to compete. I remind myself of the overwhelming support I’ve received, the money I’ve raised, the friends I’ve made, and the awareness I’ve brought… And although I can barely feel my elbow as I type this (and am headed back to spar some more in 30 minutes!) I know I’m doing what I’m meant to do.
I’m still super nervous, scared and anxious about getting in that ring. I have a lot of people coming to watch… This experience overall has brought to light many individual microcosms for things I’ve been dealing with my whole life- certainly fear of judgment and ‘looking bad’ in front of others. I will write about all of them after the experience has concluded… but it has definitely been that thus far, an experience… My experience.
Anyway, that’s the update with 6 short weeks to go. Thank you as always for the support- both emotionally and financially. As I’ve mentioned I’m up over 26K myself and overall my Haymakers family has raised over 600K! Pretty f*cking amazing…
Thanks for reading. Much love and bliss,